Since my kindergarten days, I never thought I would find myself in the situation of being heartlessly condemned by a pack of grown women. In situations like this, I am guarded and I over-compensated by being confident.
I remind myself that it is their insecurities that are displayed and they own that behaviour.
I have no idea why Gina appointed herself as spokeswoman. She should understand what it feels like to be on the outside.
What the viewer doesn’t see is that this ambush on me by all of the girls went on for over two hours during that dinner. I got to the end of breaking point before I smashed my wrists on the table with utmost desperation for them to stop.
I am sobbing uncontrollably and I pleaded the girls to have a bit of compassion. The women are attacking one person on the table. Shame on them.
Chyka has refused to accept my compliment Here’s the problem: Chyka is not listening. Even though I took her aside after the camera stopped rolling and explained my comment and apologised if I offended her.
If I recall correctly, all I said was, “I see your lip getting brighter”. Is that a reason for a grown woman to overreact like that?
Chyka plays the good cop, but the fact that she laughs at nasty things said about the other girls and does not say or do anything to defuse the situation, shows that she is as guilty as the rest of the pack.
Unfortunately, it did not stop. Gina and the rest of the girls ripped me to shreds cold heartedly with obscene language, as well as some false and outrageous accusations. I actually tuned out from her voice to save myself from total agony.
I didn’t realise they had a totally different perception of my confidence. The pack mentality, in their distorted thinking of me, is a fragment of their imagination, their insecurities, and a perfect example of not wanting to acknowledge and accept accountability for their actions. I can’t take responsibility for their thoughts of how they identify me.
I felt alone and cast-off: tattered by the invisible lesions scarring my soul from the harsh disreputable words coming out of their mouths that were crushing me. I did not think the loathing they were feeling towards me matched my behaviour, yet no one stopped the detestation that was directed towards me. They were all guilty of the ghastly behaviour towards me.
The reprimanding was unbearable. All I wanted to do was escape the searing accusations being hurled at me, so I slid under the table and lay on the bench in utter pain. I was not allowed that peace and no sympathy was given to me. The women wanted to shove their idea of the truth down my throat with no mercy. It’s perplexing that every one of these women classified my reason to escape the beating as rude.
I am not hurting anyone by being up myself or into myself as they say. What happened to loving yourself first, so that you can have the ability to give and receive love with others? I might have been able to slightly understand their grievances if they weren’t all guilty of doing what they were accusing me of doing and addressed it like decent ladies.
I don’t know how Gina can accuse only me of rubbing people up the wrong way. Don’t they all rub each other the wrong way? Yet they are all attacking me. How is that fair? I am not saying that I am an angel. If someone pushes me I can push back.
Snapshot. Susie has joined the group and from day one I believe she is out for Lydia’s blood. That is acceptable by most of the girls. Really?Jackie, Chyka and Janet are hell bent to prove that Gina is a selfish friend who has ditched Gamble. Jackie and Janet have accused Lydia of gossiping about everyone with no real proof, and Gamble behaves like a spoilt brat, crying to anyone who will listen to her moan about how Gina has dumped her and give her a false sense of security. Gamble is Jealous about Gina’s friendship with Lydia and I and bitches behind Gina’s back.
Jackie was laughing, mimicking me, calling me names, back- stabbing me, and no one cared. Where is the justice and fair play?
I don’t need a compliment on how I look. I give myself compliments, so that is sufficiently covered. I don’t recall the girls gushing over me with compliments anyway. That does not bother me one bit: self-confidence is my best outfit, I rock it and own it. The only time I brought up any type of wrongdoing was when I arrived at the Luminare dinner and the girls didn’t acknowledge me for a much longer period of time than the viewer was able to see, and when they made no eye contact with me at the Dubai drinks. I felt I was sending flying kisses to thin air.
I did not realise the girls had this perception of me and certainly did not see it coming. Little did I know that they were backstabbing me. Nor did I know Jackie was wearing a turban and making fun of me.
To sum it up, I am not defending anything I have said and done: I take ownership of what I say and do and move on. However who appointed these women as God to judge me?
The next day I decided to remove myself from any of the planned activities with the girls and hang by myself around the hotel.
I don’t recall anyone nurturing me, holding my hand, giving me sympathy, supporting me, praising me, flattering me, complimenting or listening to me.
I am feeling sick to the stomach listening to the drivel continue the next day. People can say what they want about another person and if they get enough people backing the story, you will be deemed guilty as charged.
Lydia came over to see how I was doing and I was happy to see her. I was feeling very emotional and raw. The power of my emotional pain took over and I snapped at Lydia the moment she said that Jackie doesn’t like my arrogancy. You mean arrogance, Lydia. Haha!
The last thing I wanted to hear or could cope with at the time was condemnation, so I asked her to leave. As much as I appreciate Lydia coming to check on me, Compelling me to accept their warped opinion of me was really pushing it.
To cope with these women I have to be strong and not let them bring me down. If that’s mistaken for arrogance, then I can’t do much about it.
I spent the day evaluating the events that took place and reminded myself I cannot be responsible for other people’s actions, just mine, so I decided to rise above the situation and show up to dinner.
I arrived with Lydia to a lovely chorus of “hi Pettifleur”. Janet even said I looked nice. It was very pleasing to hear, however it was awkward with the forced conversations.
Gamble announcing that they had visited the cultural centre and had a bit of a culture shock on how to be good and kind etc.
I figured it was a great opportunity to address the desert dinner, hoping that the guidance they received at the cultural centre may have aided them to evaluate and open up their hearts.
Considering they all felt very satisfied and vindicated at how they treated me the night before, I am not surprised that Chyka was expecting an apology along with the rest of the group. Unsurprisingly, they once again shot me down in flames.
Janet jumped on her slippery soapbox and threatened bodily harm on me and tells me to shut up. If she strikes me she may break one of her bones on contact.
She demanded me to leave, stating “because actually nobody wants you here. Get up and f*** off,” Charming vocabulary. I stopped paying any attention to the ugly sounds spewing from her mouth. She sounded like she was having a meltdown by my presence. I was relieved when Janet tapped out. I don’t have to listen to phony Janet.
But to my utmost despair, Janet wanted to tap back in. I was thinking hell would be a better option than talking to Janet. She is no doubt highly invested in me.
She pushes in and says, “for four or five days I decided I loved you.” If that was love she was showing me in her delusional mind, I would hate to see what she does if she hates you. She continued to spit malarkey out of her mouth. I have not seen the evidence of the drivel that is pouring out of her mouth. Showing love is respecting, supporting, sharing, caring and giving, none of which I have seen come from the majority of these women.
I gave the dog a bone and said, “if that’s how you feel, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way”. The girls rejoiced for my apology.
Gamble is jealous of my friendship with Gina and starts moaning.
Their friendship is not sustainable at two different levels. If Gamble wants to be Gina’s friend, she has rules and Gamble needs to conform.
I could tell Jackie was ready for round two. She fires at Lydia accusing her of gossiping maliciously about all the women and their families.
Jackie is going for the jugular by betraying her past friendship with Lydia and blathering to Chyka, yet she accuses Lydia of gossiping. Isn’t Jacks doing exactly the same?
If Jackie does not have evidence and can’t repeat what Lydia said, why is she stirring trouble and disrupting this dinner?
Jacks’ is cray cray. Last night was an attack on me with a little bit of help from her friends; tonight she is out to get blood from Lydia. I am not buying a word of Jacks’ blaring accusations. She says whatever she wants, because she has her support team agreeing with her.
Lydia does repeat some things without giving much thought to the damage, however Jacks is hurting a lot of friendships in her expedition to destroy Lydia. She has no doubt gone to Chyka with a very damaging piece of gossip that has made Chyka very rattled and furious with Lydia.
It was okay for Jackie to encourage and be part of Lydia’s gossiping when they were friends, but now that she has latched on to Chyka she exposes Lydia and breaks the trust. Further more Jack’s has now opened a can of worms and in the process exposed a rumour and hurt her good friend Chyka.
I am having nothing to do with encouraging or joining the women to now “gang up” on Lydia. It is appalling and I cannot grasp that these women don’t have an ounce of compassion for another person’s feelings.
I would not wish this treatment upon my worst enemy. I applaud Lydia for taking the heat and not crumbling.
Until next time,
Lots of love,